My Birthday!!!!

Here it is.  I am twenty. The big two-oh.  No longer a teenager.  

I think it is funny because everyone keeps asking me, "How does it feel to be twenty?"

And I reply, " I don't know, I still feel twenty five."  And we all laugh.

I say this because I feel way more mature that most of the twenty year olds around me.  All of my friends are at least 24 or so.  I surround myself with older people, and I feel older.

But over all, I must say I enjoyed it all.  I started my day rock climbing with my friend Sarah, who made me brownies!!  I was so excited because I was not expecting it at all.  I have known her for maybe a semester.  I was so happy.  I even had a successful climb on the wall, making one of the best climbs technically I have ever made.

Then I went to class, but met Joli for lunch, and found Mitch while I was there.  So we had lunch, and Joli gave me a beautiful butterfly necklace.  

After my three o'clock class, I met Amber, from Maine, and we went to Massena where I got a new phone.  I met her husband for more than 5 minutes this time as well.  I like him, he is very nice.  I got the LG VU.  It is really cool, touchscreen and everything.  And the best part about it is Jon who got fired, (If I understand correctly), now owns the place.  I used to go in to pay my bill there just because, he is really good looking.  Anyway, he set me up with a good deal, and made my plan better, and threw in a free car charger.  I thought it was so funny, and I can't get over the free car charger.

Eventually Amber and Michael took me to Sergi's for dinner.  It was awesome.  I love being around people who love me.  Then we went to the Potsdam hockey game, where we (the school) won 7 - 3 against Morrisville.  

I would say all in all, I had a wonderful day.  

I love you all!!!!!

I've been doing some thinking...

And I can't help but wonder why my life is how it is, and why I feel the way I do.  But, I am happy with everything right now, well for the most part.  I am really far from my family and friends, but I am continuing my education to become a teacher, and hopefully inspire many of the young minds that follow me and my generation.  

I know that for the things that matter, we often have to make a trade, and for me I traded my proximity to family for an education.  I am sometimes regretful, and wish I could stay home, but I know that in the long run, things will turn out for the best.  I do get to see my family on breaks, for a month over Christmas, and three months over the summer, so things aren't so bad.

I also get upset because I have no one to cuddle with.  I am a huge sap and love being romantic.  Only problem, I have no one to be romantic with.  I also however love to flirt.  I just do.  I guess I just want to find the perfect man.  I have been looking since I was old enough to know that love happens, and isn't just a faerietale.  Since I found out that love is real.  I just think I look to hard, and I just need to be more patient.  I believe that love will find me, I am just afraid that it won't happen for a while.  I want so bad to be happy with somebody.  

Sometimes, it makes me feel good to know that I am not alone in the world, and other people feel the same way I do.  If anything has taught me that it is PostSecret.  I love the raw emotion those cards hold.  And you can feel it as the reader because you know what courage it took to put it to paper.  It is one thing to hold something in your heart and let it tear you up, but it is a whole nother thing to see it and have to face it.  I love though, that some of the cards are so rejoyceful, and happy, even though it could not be vocalized.  Things like PostSecret put my life into perspective.  It makes me understand and more fully appreciate everything I have.  (I did before, but it makes me think at least once a week how lucky I really am.)  

But, before I end this entry, I will leave with a few things.  One is a reply that was put on the PostSecret site that really struck me...

"Finding the things that you weren't looking for is one of the most amazing surprises in life. Maybe you're someone's amazing surprise."

And finally my favorite poem ever.  It really makes me think about where I am, where I have been, and where I am going.

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference. -Robert Frost

Back 2 School

That is one of the best movies in the world, but of course Rodney Dangerfield is amazingly talented, and of course hilarious.  Though, I digress.  I am back here at SUNY Potsdam, and don't get me wrong, I love it up here, the education is amazing, the town is wonderful, everyone in the North Country is normally very pleasurable, but I am too far from my family.  Granted it I have created my own support system of people I can rely on, and all of them love me to death, as I love them as well, but I miss my family.  5 hours drive time separates us, thats about 300 miles. (I said about... not 100% sure the distance.)  I know I never grew up particularly close to any extended family other than Uncle Michael and Aunt Angie, and my family is much larger, I was taught to love and appreciate the family you have.  I was also taught that family is not always blood.  Family is some one who will pick you up when you are down, or do everything with their resources to stop you from falling in the first place. (Sometimes one has to hit rock bottom... depending on the person and situation.)  My sister Katie, for instance, who is of course not my blood sister, but is still in many ways connected to me than either of us realize.  For me, Family can be the greatest lifeline you will ever have.  So imagine, my second year away for college, 300 miles away, mature enough to be on my own, yet I cry every time I drive away for a few months to that place people call college.  I can't help it, I just do.  I miss them so much, and I live my mom, my dad, and my brother, all so much.  Keep your family in good terms, but if you are a family oriented person, you should have no troubles any way.

New Years Again...

I love the new year.  It is like a fresh start.  A new beginning, something different, with out scraping all of your hard work in previous years.  See, you get a chance to throw all of your mistakes away, and keep all of your successes.  Most times, you can't really do that.  Actually the new year affects the one thing this rule can never in any other case, be applied to, your life.

And so, that is what I will do.  Make a new me.  Live the best I can, concentrating on the things I need to, as I am not even 21 yet, and I keep thinking love is passing me by.  I will find it, so I should look to school, and make sure my studies are in order.  I will keep focused, and do well at work, and make time for my friends, and family, and not worry about whether or not I look ok, (to a point) And I will become that person I have always wanted to be.